Coronavirus Delays Yellowstone Bison Petting Festival (SATIRE)

I'm sure that by now Yellowstone's bison are feeling a bit dejected, wondering, 'Where are all my pets and hugs?'

Usually the gates to the park are overrun with eager wildlife lovers from the city, who have never seen nature in person but only watched it on TV. Folks who just can't wait to visit Wyoming and give nature a big hug.

Eager Wyoming bison rock their horns, snort, and stomp the ground, inviting love and affection. It is truly an amazing display for affection. Those city folk can't resist.

But due to coronavirus, our parks are closed, and the big cuddly beasts are feeling a bit put off.

A local animal psychiatrist and and plant psychic worries about the metal stability of all of Wyoming's creatures. "The loud cars, the traffic jams, those screeching kids running around without leashes - I'm sure the animals of all of America's parks are wondering if they have done something to make us mad. Depression and dejection can set in to the point that they will eventually come into our towns to see if we are okay." 

No word yet on when Yellowstone will reopen. But as soon as it does, and them city folk come rushing into the park, arms open to embrace nature, officials assure us that the bison, the mountain lions, and the bears will go rushing out to meet them and the hills will be colored red with love.