How Space Aliens Brought Me To Wyoming
I arrived in Wyoming a little over 10 years ago. When people ask me how I got here I simply tell them the truth. "After I was through home caring my father I went looking for another radio job. I was hired by a Wyoming station."
After telling that story for over 10 years, I've become more than just a little bored with it. Time to change things up a bit. The following is the story that I will be telling from now on.
(Follow the links for pictures with the story).
There I was, on the bay, off the costs of my home towns of Sanibel and Captiva Islands Florida. Starlight twinkled across the calm waters. The small boat rocked as the cast net twirled spun into the air opening wide like a kite. The baitwell was filling nicely with little whitefish, pinfish, and grunts. A dolphin breaching nearby. He was after what I was after.
The dolphin slowly moved closer to the boat, stopped and poked his head up out of the water. He was looking right at me. I grabbed a grunt fish and tossed it in a high ark to the dolphin. It grunted all the way to his mouth. He caught it expertly, swallowed it, then slowly sank his head down underwater.
It was a good night.
SUDDENLY, the air around me seemed to fill with static electricity, the hairs on my arm stood up, as did the hairs on my head. A bright light shot down from above- brighter than 100 suns.
Was it a police helicopter? Where was all the noise?
I tried to see what was above me, but all I could make out were the edges of a round craft. It did not make a sound as it hovered above. The air seemed light. My cast net began to rise and hover. The baitfish I caught were floating in the air.
The dolphin that had breached near me stuck its head up out of the water and made a chattering noise at the ship above. The ship chattered back. The dolphin looked at me as if to say, "So long, and thanks for the fish." He then sank back underwater and swam away.
I don't remember much after that. As if in a dream the Earth and the International Space Station passed below.
Weird things were done to me- I think. There was an odd-looking woman with 5 eyes and tentacles- I think. I'm not sure. She seemed to fancy me. I'm not sure but I think we might have gotten married.
The sound of alien alarms almost burst my eardrums. My hosts began to screech and rush around. Something hit the ship, hard. It was as if we were under attack. Orders were shouted from the one I believe to be in charge. Were those weapons they were firing into space?
The ship was full of smoke and tumbling back to earth in a big fireball. But, at the last moment, it stabilized and settled about 100 feet above the ground. My hosts seemed relieved. They patted one of their crew on what I guessed was his back and chattered at him as if he had done something miraculous.
That's when they opened a hole in the floor of the center of the ship and they tossed me out. I hit the ground with a loud thud and a cloud of dust.
There were so many stars above. I saw a meteor but it was travelling up, not down. I guessed that this was my new friends leaving the solar system.
A cold breeze made me shiver. Gone was the damp of humidity on my skin. Gone was the smell of warm salt water, of marshes and sweet grass. I stood and looked around.
The rumbling of an old Ford pickup truck filled the night. Its lights crested a hill, then pointed down on me. I could now see the dirt road underfoot and what might be sagebrush. I wasn't sure, having not seen it in person before.
The truck stopped with a hard breaking slide in the dirt of the road. Two headlights illuminated the dust that it had kicked up around me. That's when I could see that I was naked.
"WOO WEE!" called a female voice. I heard a door slam and a very thin, not so pretty woman, stepped into the headlights to have a look at me.
"Well gol'darn-it.' she screamed, "if some space aliens' didn't just drop a MAN out of the sky for me. WELCOME TO WYOMING!"
I'm not sure what happened next. It's all a painful blur.
Over 10 years have gone by and I'm still in Wyoming.
So, that is the story I will tell from now on when people ask me now I came to live in Wyoming. It's not a true story, but it will be a hell of a lot more fun to tell.
BONUS VIDEO - From Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy