Wyomingites Coin Niche Outhouse Phobia, Do You Have It?

I'm not trying to be crude, but there is an outhouse phobia that we all suffer from.

It's never been given a name.

Imagine:

You are camping at some beautiful Wyoming campsite and you head to the outhouse because "nature is calling."

Let's even say it's one of those nice ones the state provides for us.

But it's still just a hole in the ground... isn't it?

You know there is a song about the fear of the outhouse hole. You can hear it below.

Most of us will lift the lid and, gross as it might be, look down the hole just to make sure there is nothing down there to bite our butt while we are sitting over that hole.

Many of us fear some critter will chomp our behind while we're in such a vulnerable position.

It's a real concern.

ANCHORAGE, Alaska (AP) — An Alaska woman had the scare of a lifetime last weekend when using an outhouse in the backcountry.

She jumped up and screamed.

Her brother ran out of their yurt with a headlamp, opened the lid and saw a bear's face staring right back at him.

So it's not an irrational fear, is it?

The problem is we don't have a name for this fear.

So, I asked the people of Wyoming for a name. It's handy having a radio show heard on stations across the state. The suggestions came rolling in over the phone and on the Wake Up Wyoming App.

Bear-ass-a-phobia, suggested Jim in Glenrock.

Poseidon’s-kiss-phobia said Reifer is Carpenter.

Below is that song about the fear of the outhouse hole.

Porto-zoo-Aphobia from Red in Casper.

Patti on Facebook suggested Jonaphobia, Louaphobia, and crapaphobia.

Many of the suggestions had to do with turds or outhouses themselves.

That's the hard part. We had to find a name that fit the exact situation! Not just an outhouse, but sitting on that hole and being worried that something is down there ready to bite.

Chunk-outta-butt-Phobia and ouchaphobia said my Sister from Florida.

Miss Mary suggested gluteus crittersnapaphobia.

I think the best suggestion we got was Nip-Overhole-Aphobia.

It sounds funny but it perfectly describes what we are talking about.

Do you have a better suggestion?

Let us know.

Who's been shooting up the Wyoming crappers?

See that crapper by the lake? Its metal doors are full of bullet holes. You can see them in the photos below.

Golden Eye. It's a weird name for a Wyoming reservoir.  It makes a person wonder if whoever named it was a fan of the James Bond movie.

Located in western Natrona County Wyoming the little body of water is about as unremarkable as you might think it is when you look at the photo above.

Yet the state of Wyoming thought to put a parking area out there, a couple of picnic tables, and his and her crapper.

YUP! The place is BORING. 

So boring that some bored yahoos decided to have a few beers, then a few more, and shoot the place up.

I gave the shooters the benefit of the doubt at first. Maybe one of their friends was constipated and they decided to scare the crap out of him.

But then again, probably not. It has to be nothing more than beer, boredom, and guns.

Upon inspecting the doors I noticed that not all of the bullets made it through to the other side.

Those bullets that did make it through were probably found sitting on the cement floor or stuck in the back wall.

It looks as if someone from the park service tried to fill some of the holes. That's probably a good thing. Not so much because of peepers but because the doors face the prevailing winds.

Those holes in the ground are drafty enough, underneath. We really don't need more wind coming in while we are sitting there.

Whoever was shooting out there knew that there was no way they would be caught. Gunshots are common out that way and no one thinks much of it. In most cases, there is no one around at all to hear it.

There is a heck of an echo inside these outhouses. It might not have sounded like much outside, but inside, - WOW!

Looking at these photos I wonder if the park service will ever bother touching up the paint job.

Look, I know you live in a part of Wyoming where there isn't much to do on a Saturday night. Also, this is Wyoming so drinking and shooting guns for fun is common.

But can we please not shoot up the crappers?

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Like much of Wyoming, this park is a place where there is nowhere to hide when someone has to relieve the call of nature.

A crapper way out here is like an oasis in the desert. Though one you poop into, not drink out of.

No one in Wyoming will fault you for wanting to drink and shoot.

Just - please - don't shoot up the only crapper on the prairie. 

In the video below, you will see one of the most horrific tragedies Wyoming winds have wrought.

Imagine being alone on the prairie - no, not the prairie, but more like a desert region of this vast and beautiful state.

Nature calls you. By that, I do not mean the sound of nature, that haunting voice in your mind that beckoned you out to explore this magnificent desolate creation by God's hand. I mean - the other "nature calls." The one that cannot be ignored.

But where, way out here, can a person modestly - squat - to answer that call? The land is flat and open as far as the eye can see. True there is nobody for well over a hundred miles at least. But you know the cruel temperament and evil humor of lady luck. The moment you assume the most vulnerable posture, one that you cannot relax nor retreat from, someone will arrive to see you.

Perhaps that is why there is an outhouse way out here. Someone saw the need, and built one. According to the sign nearby, this land is a state park. Was our government watching out for our best interest even way out here?

It was just a simple wooden structure. But because it was government-built, it must have cost over a million dollars, at least.

But the winds - those Wyoming winds. Like the haunting song about her, the Wyoming wind blows, unchanged, and it has tipped over the old wooden outhouse. 

Yes, the only place a civilized person would feel safe in over a hundred miles to drop trousers and -- it lays on its side, in the vast open sage of Wyoming.

Video of this tragedy below.