Wyoming Man Cited For Charging Tourist For Bear Hugs (SATIRE)
"FUNNY, but W R O N G!" said park ranger Willard Snifgun. "That Wyoming tourist could have hugged that bear for free."
Wyoming resident Ernie Limpnard was cited by park officials for charging $10 for bear hugs. He had made $300 and called for an ambulance 30 times before a ranger put a stop to it.
"It was a clever money-making scheme," said ranger Snifgun. "He just drove till he saw a bear, plopped down a lawn chair, and stuck a sign in the ground. 'Bear Hugs, $10.' Tourists lined up with money in hand. They were more than happy to signs weavers so no one was able to sue him. I wasn't going to say anything at first but we soon had a traffic jam and I can't allow that."
We asked ranger Snifgun why he didn't seem to have a problem with encouraging tourists to hug bears.
"Well, if these people are stupid enough to go up and hug a wild animal like that then maybe then need to be taken out of the gene pool. If they are dumb enough to pay for it to boot, then why not?"
We asked Ernie Limpnard what his plans were now that his business has been closed.
"AW heck," said Mr. Limpnard. "No problems at all. Now that I know people will gladly pay to get eaten by wildlife, I can open a proper establishment. I plan a nice big backyard all fenced in with bears and mountain lions. I think I might open an alligator petting zoo in Florida and Louisiana. What a great way to weed out annoying relatives and stupid people."
Mr. Limpnard is working on his company logo now. It's rather grizzly, pun intended.