Wyoming Normal: A Guide For New Residents

So, you just moved to Wyoming. Congratulations and welcome to the freest and one of the least taxed and regulated states in America. In other words, welcome to FREEDOM!

You might have noticed that Wyoming is rural. I mean really ridiculously rural. That means that there are a few things you'll have to get used to if you have never lived in some place that is quite so isolated.

1) You might hear your neighbors shooting guns. That's okay. DO NOT call the cops. If you do call them, they might just join your neighbor, and you'll hear even more gunshots. Do not get nervous if your neighbors are shooting. Just remember that these are the people you can call on, along with the cops, if you ever do need to call someone who has guns.

Some years ago, a neighbor near Gillette, Wyoming, called the cops because they heard what sounded like cannon fire. It turned out a neighbor, and his friends had built a homemade bowling ball cannon and were testing it. The cops were so impressed, they asked if they could fire a couple.

2) Your neighbors have dogs and they bark. Do not call the cops on barking dogs. That's just what country sounds like.

3) Country smells like dogs, cows and gunpowder. It's normal.

4) Do not call the cops for a tractor or a herd of cattle blocking traffic. But it is okay to let them know if you see a lone cow wandering outside the fence area, in the middle of the road. They will tell the rancher to come get it.

5) Sometimes you'll see smoke rising from your neighbor's yard. That's usually okay inside regulated burn seasons. Don't call the fire department.

Folks from across the country have been moving to Wyoming in an attempt to flee coronavirus, city unrest, big city government overreach, high cost of living, and taxes.

I would like to thank these potential new arrivals for considering the great and beautiful state of Wyoming. But before you sign that mortgage for a new home, we need to sit down and have a little heart-to-heart.

Wyoming is Wyoming because of our unique way of thinking and getting things done. The worry, therefore, is that folks moving from out of state, escaping the mess that their states are in, will bring their weird way of doing things to Wyoming.

It needs to be made clear to any refugees escaping to Wyoming that bringing those bad habits that made them a refugee will just make Wyoming as bad as the place they left.

Please read and carefully consider before signing 'The Wyoming Citizenship Oath.'

1). I ___________ hereby understand that Wyoming is a quiet state because there are so many guns. 'An armed society is a polite society.' I understand that I will not be required to own a gun, but it is sort of seen as an embarrassment if I don't own at least six or more.

2). As a citizen of Wyoming, I_____________ understand that I will be expected to earn my own way. It is expected that I will help those in need, but being in need of help is never to be a permanent condition.

3). I ___________ understand that I am to mind my own business, as those around me are expected to mind their own.

4). It is understood that I __________ am expected to make fun of Colorado, even if that is where I escaped from.

5). I ____________ promise that I will never ask where the "safe space" is. I will "cowboy up" and deal with it.

6). I ____________ understand that I don't have to change my politics. But if I am going to live in Wyoming, I can no longer for what made me flee from my home state.

I have printed this oath and am sending it to the governor and several state legislators to make it something that everyone has to sign before they move here (NOT KIDDING).