A police radio squawks an All Points Bulletin (APB) for a suspect wearing a mask. They race to the scene where the crime occurred.

Just one problem: it's coronavirus time, and everyone is wearing a mask.

"Can you be more specific?" Officer Smith asks over his police radio.

"Mask covering his nose and mouth," comes the answer from dispatch. "Messy hair, old sweat pants, and a t-shirt that looks like he hasn't taken it off in a week. He might smell like he hasn't bathed in a while either."

"Have you been to the store during this pandemic-thing?" asks officer Smith. "That's literally everyone here."

NOTE: The above satire was inspired by a true headline: Police search for masked man who stole jewelry, shoved employee in Auburn Walmart robbery.

"During their investigation, police learned that a man wearing a mask shoved a Walmart employee and took jewelry during the robbery, then ran out of the store, Auburn police Sgt. James Smith said."

Honestly, I think the suspect could have hidden right there in the store and they would have never found him.

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