Best Satirical Headlines After First Debate
The interrupting insult match last night -- sorry -- The "DEBATE" was easy to lampoon for the nation's top parody websites. Here is a look at some of the best headlines and stories after...whatever that was on TV.
I'll start with the most fitting headline of all:
Broadcast Signal Accidentally Picks Up Two Old Men Yelling At Each Other Instead Of Presidential Debate (Babylon Bee). "The signal must have gotten crossed with some kind of live stream of an old folks' home," said one technician. "They were shouting about money and politics and viruses and all kinds of stuff. I know you were all really interested in hearing the candidates tonight. Sorry about that."
CNN Pre-Debate Poll Shows Biden Clearly Won Debate (Babylon Bee). “With such a clear and decisive win, there’s really no reason to even have the debate,” said Biden campaign staffer Lucas Mathis. “That would only distract from how great Biden is doing. And ruin his naps.”
Biden Accidentally Brings Wooden Paddle to Knife Fight. (GENISIUS Times). President Trump has secretly been doing U.S. Army Ranger training at night in the Rose Garden. Trump said, “I’ll start with a little cardio and recite Covid statistics. Then run a couple miles while Mike Pence reminds me how great the economy is. After a shower, Sgt. Clouseau from the 82nd Ranger Battalion surprise attacks me and tries to get me to spill the beans my taxes or, you know, what Putin is really like.
Only Cable News Channel You Watch Confirms Your Guy DESTROYED the Other Guy. (Velvet Hamsters). Your candidate was clear, clever, and convincing while that loser behind the other podium was evasive, rude, and probably smells like feet.
Debate Paused So Candidates Can Take Their Back Pills (Unsubscribed).
‘That’s It, I’m Voting For Him,’ Says Undecided Voter Impressed By Poised Chris Wallace (ONION NEWS). “He seems like the only one up there who actually wants to talk seriously about things that ordinary Americans are concerned about, and he also has the right temperament for the job. When this debate started, I was definitely on the fence, but while Trump and Biden are up there bloviating, this Wallace guy is staying calm and asking good questions, plus he appears to really care about the answers. I’m voting Wallace for sure.”