New Year Resolutions Wyoming Should (But Won’t) Make

I once made a New Year resolution to not make New Year Resolutions anymore.

But as soon as I resolved it I realized that by making the resolution I had instantly broken it.

Talk about a paradox. 

There are a few resolutions Wyomingites need to make.

But they know that it is pointless, so why bother?

I have a few examples below.

1. Dress like a normal, adult human being when going to Walmart or the Dollar Store.

For heaven's sake at least don't wear pajamas or sweat pants.

For that matter, just taking a moment to care about your appearance before you go anywhere in public might just...

OH, WHY BOTHER?

We know you're not going to.

2. Don't buy any more guns this year.

Ha. Good luck with that one.

3. Don't laugh when someone says you have too many guns as it is.

One of my favorite songs on YouTube is Steve Lee's "I LIKE GUNS!"

4). Don't break out cussing every time you hear the name, Liz Cheney.

We're sure there will be plenty of opportunities that will test you on this, but you can stay strong!

5. Promising NOT to yell "LET'S GO BRANDON!" at sporting events. 

Let's keep it clean for the kids, okay?

6. Leave the smart cars alone

If you drive a big truck with big tires, resist the urge to tailgate smart cars and every Prius you see while "ROLLING COAL!"

By the way, eating all the junk food in your house so you can then not be tempted by it and start your resolution to not eat any more junk food, is actually breaking the resolution before you start it. Let's just call this one #7.

8. Be nice to the Greenies

No one believes a word you say when you promise to no longer make fun of people from Colorado. So don't even go there. We know you are lying.

9. Drive like you're not in Wyoming

Promising to do the speed limit when driving across the state.

10. Respect the tourons

We all know that you're going to encourage the tourists to pet the fluffy cows. Don't promise that you won't. We know you can't help yourself.

11. Skip the "gone fishing" sign

Promise not to call in sick on those few nice days and then go fishing.

12. No more road kill shopping

Promise NOT TO aim for wildlife on the road even though it is now legal to eat roadkill in Wyoming.

13. Try to go just ONE YEAR without saying "HOLD MY BEER!"

I'm sure you can think of more useless promises that Wyomingites should not even bother making.

Send us your suggestions. We would love to read them and break them with you.