The 2024 Guide To Breaking New Year Resolutions

"That's it," you tell yourself, "I'm serious this time. This is the year I get back in shape."

Let's be honest, for most reading this right now, what do you mean  'BACK IN SHAPE?' You were never in shape.

But you're serious this time, are you? Well, maybe. I'm not trying to talk you out of this but let's have a look at what typically happens to people this time of year.

1. Promises are made

We promise that this next year will be a fresh, clean start. You'll start with watching what you eat. Back off on the carbs. More fruit and veggies. Watch those portions. But first you need to clean out the fridge of all that crappy food you bought. Can't let it go to waste! You better start eating it now.

2. You'll get that gym membership.

Last time you only worked out for a month before quitting the gym. You'll be faithful this time and show up every day. Okay... maybe not every day, but 5 days a week minimum! And even on those weeks you can't show up all 5 days, 3 days a week will be fine. Maybe 2 when the weather is really bad, even though the gym is inside.

3. Back off of those treats.

No one needs to eat all that junk food. I mean, it's okay to have a little something now and then but no one needs to eat that much. But maybe a little, just during the holidays, and birthdays. It's okay to grab something when someone leaves it in the kitchen at work. That's their fault! They did that to you. Snacking is okay while watching TV, you just need to cut back on how much TV is watched. AW HECK just watch it.

4. Healthy lunches are important.

But something needs to be cut back here. Wonder what?

5. Make meals healthier

 Well, maybe if you put a tomato on that sandwich it will cancel out how much mayo and mustard you used- I'm sure there is a formula here.

6. Stick to the plan

You'll start January first. But January 1st is a holiday... you've got to celebrate the new year.

"I'll START TOMORROW! I PROMISE!"