"Oh is that Bobby?" Grandma squealed. "You've gotten so big. At least I think that's Bobby. I can't tell with the face mask."


"I'm sorry what?"

"He said yes, he's Bobby. Honestly, Mother."

"I'm sorry honey, I haven't learned to talk face-mask yet. So much muffled mumbling."

"Well mother you had a hard time understanding people when you forget to put new batteries in your hearing aids. Masks just make it even worse."

"Oh this Covid thing is making the world so weird."

"Mother, how are we supposed to cook anything if we're supposed to stay six feet apart? Your kitchen is too small."

"Just leave everything in there dear. I'll take care of it."

"Where's Dad?"

"He poked a hole in his face mask so he could go out back and smoke."

This Thanksgiving dinner was served a little late because only mother was allowed in the kitchen to cook. The table was not set because it would not allow for social distancing. They would have all sat outside but it's just too windy and cold this time of year.

To keep a safe distance, everyone brought their disposable plates and utensils into separate rooms. They quickly gave up on shouting at each other for conversation and just went to texting instead.

"At least I won't have any dishes to do this year," mother said. "And listen, it's so quiet. No one is fighting."

"Yes they are," father said. "Bobby just blocked Aunt Trudy on Facebook and now Trudy is posting an angry meme about him."

After dinner, everyone passed out. Not because they ate too much, but because of rebreathing their own air through those facemasks.

"I like it when I burp," Father said. "I get to taste AND SMELL my food again."

AUTHORS NOTE: The photo that you will see, below, has nothing to do with this story. I just laughed so hard when I found it I had to include it.

Newspaper created by me and poses no copyright issues.
Getty Images/iStockphoto
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