I Want Russia To Invade Wyoming So I Can Have A Free Tank Too
If you haven't seen these videos of Ukrainians taking abandoned Russian armored vehicles, please send me your address. I want to use Google Earth to see what rock you are living under.
Ah yes, I can see it now. Happy Wyomingites driving armored Russian vehicles up and down the interstates and on the backroads.
ROADS? We don't need no stinking roads.
And screw those gas prices. Who cares when you have a TANK!
There is no idea what the count is, but many in the Russian military are just getting out of their vehicles and walking away.
They have nothing against Ukraine, they don't want to fight this war.
They are leaving behind everything from tanks to armored personnel carriers, rocket launchers, and cannons, to trucks filled with fuel and even food.
The Ukrainian president has let his people know that they can take anything they want, and keep it, even sell it, tax-free.
A few weeks ago I wrote an article showing how, if Russia invaded Wyoming, we could take them, no problem.
Now I'm actually hoping they do it.
I WANT A TANK! Don't you?
How would you like a big truck made to go over almost any backcountry terrain? Imagine the camping possibilities.
Here in Wyoming, we love our guns. The more the better the bigger the better.
How happy would Wyomingites be to have a free cannon, rocket launcher, tank, high caliber machine guns?
YES, Russian troops are dropping their guns, shoulder-fired missiles, and RPG's. Ukrainians are just picking them up and using them against the Russians that have decided to stay and fight.
Who here in Wyoming would not just LOVE to walk into a field and find a bunch of Russian-made guns, of all caliber, just laying around.
So bring it on RUSSIA! It would be like an early Christmas for Wyoming.
OH, and can you leave some airplanes too? I love airplanes.
For those of you who think I'm crazy, well okay, maybe. Do I really want Russia to invade? Hear me out.
If Russian Invaded Wyoming, We've Got This!
If you're thinking there is no way for Russia to invade Wyoming,
I'd remind you that we have already lost Jackson Hole to California.
So, it could happen.
Just for the fun of it, let's say that Putin set his eyes on attacking America next.
What would happen when his forces got as far as Wyoming?
For a reference watch the movie RED DAWN.
Not the crappy new one. The original movie that hit theaters in 1984.
That movie is pretty much exactly what Wyoming would be like.
For further inspiration, a wolverine was recently spotted in Yellowstone.
Those who have seen the movie Red Dawn know why that is important.
In fact, much of the population of this state would see the Russian onslaught as GOOD TIMES!
I mean, we have all of these guns. We practice shooting every weekend, and some weekdays. So, it's about time.
PHASE ONE: Laying low and hoping they pass us by.
Wyoming would be safe for most of the attack against the good ol' USA because many people don't even know Wyoming exists.
WE ARE CAMOUFLAGED!
Wyoming never tried to hide itself as a state. Yet seeing the advantage of the rest of the world not thinking that we are a real thing has its advantages. So we have not tried to fight it either.
That means that most Russian recourses will be close to exhausted by the time they realize that there is something they missed.
I can see the meeting of the Russian generals now: "WAIT, I count that we only invaded 49 states. I thought there were 50."
PHASE TWO: Arming the people.
NO NEED. We already are.
We do know that eventually, they will find us.
Our Federal government will not offer to give everyone a gun like the government did in Ukraine. That's because the Democrats are in charge right now.
That's okay. Wyoming has more guns per capita than any other state and most countries on the planet.
Hell, even our old people and kids have guns. For that matter, the grandkid probably got that gun from grandma and grandpa as a birthday present as soon as the kid was old enough to hold it.
If the Federal Government does ask about guns we can offer them as many as they need.
PHASE THREE: The strategy.
We know we have a leak to the West. That's how Jackson Hole got overrun.
But that means we can use the Teton mountain pass as a kill zone.
We know they will get bogged down on 1-80. That highway is impassable most of the year anyway so let's use it to our advantage.
We know to expect an attack from our southern neighbor, Communist Colorado.
If we just pile a bunch of weed and munchies on the border that will keep them busy for a while.
A few billboards that read "WAR CAUSES CLIMATE CHANGE," and they won't want to attack us.
If that doesn't work we wrap all those wind turbines near Cheyenne with explosives and threaten to blow them up if they take one more step.
If we turn off all the electric charging stations their Tesla's will run out of power before they are 20 miles into the state.
The people of Wyoming know how to shoot game at a long distance. That's how hunting is done around here. BIG ADVANTAGE WYOMING!
Wyoming's landscape is large prairies with a few big mountain ranges.
So we can camp on the mountains and pick them off as they try to get us over the prairies.
WE HAVE THE HIGH GROUND!
We can also hold out for as long as we need.
We have farms, cattle, chickens, gas, coal, oil, and all the guns and more ammo than we know what to do with.
Hell for that matter, let Russia have the rest of the nation.
We have everything we need right here.
PHASE FOUR: The final solution.
Wyoming has NUKES!
All we need to do is shoot a video of Governor Gordon leaning up against an ICBM wearing a big ol' cowboy hat and a smirk on his face saying "COME AT ME, BRO!"
We send that video to Putin.
YEAH, no way Russia can invade Wyoming and live to tell about it.
We've got this.